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Tips and Advice About Romance and Relationships

Dr. Ellen Kreidman has been called, "America's Love Expert," the "Fairy Godmother of Relationships," and the "Experts Expert!" For over 20 years, she has shown hundreds of thousands of men and women how to put, fun, romance, excitement and communication into their relationships.

She is the founder of one of the best-selling audio programs of all times, Light His Fire for Women and Light Her Fire for men. You've seen her on every major talk show including Oprah, Montel, Geraldo, Sally, Maury, and Barbara Walter's, "The View." She's been featured in most major newspapers, magazines and radio shows around the nation. Over one million of her audio and video programs have been sold. Here is a transcript of an interview with Dr. Ellen on a radio show.

RADIO HOST: You say that in order to meet your perfect mate, the man or woman of your dreams, you have to be open. What do you mean by that?

DR. ELLEN: I can't tell you how many people have closed themselves off from having another relationship because they've been hurt in the past. Their fear of being hurt again is so great that they refuse to open their hearts to someone new. I know it's painful when a relationship ends. I don't care if it was only a month, it hurts. But I believe in the expression, "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." No one enjoys being rejected, ignored, disappointed, or pushed aside. But when someone you cared about did this to you, it's a wake-up call that forces you to look inside yourself and ultimately stretch, grow and gain more knowledge and understanding about yourself. You actually become a better person and look for a better partner and become a better partner yourself. If your heart is not open, there is no way that someone will come into your life.

RADIO HOST: You say that you have to take a risk. Exactly what are you risking?

DR. ELLEN: You are risking YOUR TIME, YOUR EFFORT and your ENERGY. You can't play it safe! Ask anyone you know, "How did you meet your mate?" "Isn't it amazing that no one says that they were sitting at home, when all of a sudden their perfect mate fell out of the sky and landed in their lap. In every case there was ACTION and then there was an ATTRACTION and that's what is different about this program. I give you things to do, step by step ACTION that guarantees to cause an ATTRACTION.

RADIO HOST: There are lots of people who are scared of meeting new people. You say that you have to be willing to feel fear, right?

DR. ELLEN: Absolutely. There are many people who say I'm scared of meeting new people. I don't know how to act, what to say and I say, you have to feel the fear and do it anyway. Whether you are 18 or 80, meeting new people can be scary. Your heart beats faster, your adrenaline starts to flow, but you're alive instead of walking around like a zombie. I saw a funeral parlor sign that said, "Why walk around half alive, for $300 we'll bury you!" I guarantee this program will make you come alive!!
I also guarantee that if you do what I ask you to do, you'll have more dates than you ever dreamed possible. The more people you attract and go out with, the more choices you'll have. When you go out with many people you become more comfortable with who you are and what you are looking for.

RADIO HOST: Can you give us an example of what someone can do right now to find their perfect mate?

DR. ELLEN: Yes, you can put a personal ad in the newspaper or join a dating club online. Anyone, who knows my work, knows that I don't talk about theory or philosophy, I tell you exactly what to do. I show you step by step how to do put the ad together and give you lots of examples. You write exactly what you are looking for and it is so exciting when a person calls you up and says, "I'm the person you are looking for! I have every trait that you advertised for." I've had so many marriages result from doing this. One gal was a psychologist who wound up marrying a doctor. Another was a teacher who married a lawyer, and another woman was a social worker who married a farmer.

Let's say you were looking for a job. Instead of answering someone else's ad, you put together an ad explaining your qualifications and the type of job YOU wanted. Do you know how exciting it would be if you received 100 calls from different employers all saying that they all wanted you. That's what's going to happen with your personal life!

And I know that people who are listening right now may be scared or nervous and have a lot of what 'if's." I want you to feel the fear and do it anyway.

I give so many examples and ideas on how to meet your mate and I know people will hear them and think, Oh, I can do that, or I've done that, it's not a big deal but then there's the one that they hear and then say, oh, I could never do that in a million years. Well that's the one I want them to do because you know why? As soon as you even start to think about the things that you can't do, your heart starts to beat faster, the adrenaline starts to flow and you're alive and that's what this program is all about, feeling alive, taking control of your love life and realizing that you have so many choices and options.

RADIO HOST: Can you give us some other examples?

DR. ELLEN: Here are the key words to remember- DO GOOD, GET GOOD
What do I mean by that? If you want to meet a GOOD mate, DO GOOD things like:

A) VOLUNTEER TO HELP WITH A CHARITY EVENT- Join an organization that raises money for good causes, like cancer, diabetes, AIDS, multiple sclerosis, etc.
B) VOLUNTEER AT YOUR PLACE OF WORSHIP - teach Sunday School. Many churches have fellowship hours and need volunteers to help with coffee and snacks.
C) ENROLL IN BIBLE STUDY OR A SPIRITUAL CLASS - no matter what your religious beliefs are, studying and discussing spiritual issues offer you an opportunity to relate to others on a deeper level than you otherwise might in your daily life.

If you want to meet a GOOD mate - GET GOOD at something.

Improving yourself, in any way, gives you the opportunity to meet someone who is trying to improve themselves as well. For example:

Dance Lessons - It could be ballroom, country-western, square dancing or swing. Not only can you meet your mate that way but then if you are at a wedding, or party or reunion and someone asks you to dance, you can say, "I'd love to and mean it."

Take An Adult Education Class - Whether you are interested in photography, golf, antique collecting, yoga, or scuba diving there is a class available. What better way to meet people with a common bond than in a class targeted specifically to your interest.

Join A Health Club - Aerobics classes, exercise equipment, weight rooms, swimming pools, and racquetball courts are some of the amenities you'll find available, depending on what health club you join. This is a wonderful way to meet health conscious people as you improve your own health as well.

RADIO HOST: If a person is trying to get over a bad relationship, they might say, "I don't ever want to go through this again." Do you blame them?

DR. ELLEN: Just because someone's had a bad experience in one relationship is no reason to think that they can't be happy in another one. Many people have lost a love, only to find a greater love than the one they lost. Your PAST relationships prepare you for your FUTURE relationships. The lessons you've learned make you a better person and help you make better choices.

RADIO HOST: You say that every relationship is worthwhile. Could you explain that?

DR. ELLEN: Every relationship you've ever had has taught you something. When it ends I show you how to be grateful for the good it has brought to your life. There is something positive to be gained from every experience in life, even from a relationship that caused you pain and suffering. Your increased awareness of yourself and knowing what you want and deserve, the people you met and became close to as a result of your relationship, the new ideas you were exposed to, the skills you learned, the fun you had (admit it, you had some fun) are all reasons to be grateful.

RADIO HOST: What if you are a really "picky" person and no one is ever good enough?

DR. ELLEN: I think that the better you feel about yourself, the more likely you are to be "picky." You won't settle for less than you deserve. And you shouldn't have to. What a "picky" person is really saying is, "I have a certain picture of what my perfect mate will be like, and the person I'm dating is not it! I will continue dating until I find the right one." I think that's healthy.

RADIO HOST: What about people who are always attracted to the same kind of person that they know is not good for them?

DR. ELLEN: New information gives you a brand new outlook on life and it gives you room for somebody new to come into your life. If you don't have new information then history repeats itself over and over again. You do the same things, you react the same way and you're in the same bad relationships, attracted to the same abusive, controlling, self-absorbed people. Socrates said that, "A life that's not examined, is not worth living." This program will allow you to examine your life. Remember, you cannot open a brand new chapter in your life unless you are willing to close the old one.

RADIO HOST: What do you say to someone who has been "dumped" repeatedly?

DR. ELLEN: It is so easy to blame someone else for the pain they caused us. It is so much harder to ask ourselves this question, "What in ME has caused that person to react the way they do?" Once you begin looking at yourself, maybe you'll find that you are too controlling, possessive, jealous, depressing, needy, or desperate. Every time you're rejected, use the pain in a positive way and concentrate on self-improvement.

RADIO HOST: What advice do you give a single parent who is ready to date?

DR. ELLEN: The best gift you can give your children is a happy, healthy role model. If you are waiting for your child's permission to date you'll never get it. Children want you to be with them 24 hours a day, but they also want Mc Donald's for breakfast, lunch and dinner. So regardless of what they want, the last thing they need is to have a mom or dad who has no social life and no adult to share their life with. So the most important thing you can do is be honest with your children as well as with the people you are dating. You are a package deal and be proud of it.

RADIO HOST: Any last thoughts you have?

DR. ELLEN: Yes, It's important to remember to relax and enjoy the process. There's a saying, "Life is what happens while you're making other plans." Don't let life pass you by while you search for your mate. If your life is busy and fulfilling without a mate, you will automatically be a more attractive prospect than someone who is waiting for a mate to create fulfillment in them. Whatever you do, don't ever give up your search for a mate. I know that the man or woman of your dreams is close by, waiting to be discovered by you.

RADIO HOST: I want to thank you for this terrific interview. People can get more information about your program, "Single No More -How and Where to Meet Your Perfect Mate." by visiting your website, www.LightYourFire.com and they can also sign up for your free weekly advice column there.

DR. ELLEN: Thank you so much for having me on your show. I really enjoyed it.